This was an email I sent out back in 2005 when my cat jumped out the window. I can't believe I just found it, so I thought I'd post it. Those with cats might find this email particularly amusing. I'm happy to report Willy the Cat is still safe and sound.
Email from Rob to Chris (Rob's Boss) Regarding Why He Won't Be At Work Today.
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So while i have a cold, that isn't why i'm taking some time off today.
Willy, my cat jumped out of my window 25 feet down last night.
Yes. He's OK. I just got him out (6:21AM)
i went to bed and when i lied down heard this faint meowing.
after about 10 minutes of hearing it I realized willy, who is
normally crashed out next to me is not, in fact, crashed out next to me.
i look around for about 15 minutes wondering what nook/cranny he got into and realized
oh shit.... he's jumped out the window.
PANIC sets in. I just know as soon as I look down there he's going to be a bloody mess.
I'm racing around, falling down looking for a flashlight. I grab one and and peer down into the darkness.
There he is looking up at me. Pissed, but seemingly unhurt.
I realize at that point though, he has fallen into a sealed alley.
Essentially a crack between the two buildings about 60 feet long but only 3.5 feet wide and 25 feet deep.
So I take a bucket and and a rope (I have all sorts of crap like this at my place) and lower the bucket down. Willy is the kind of cat that jumps in EVERY empty box I have so this just might work.
The bucket is lowered down... down... down...
No dice. Willy looks at the bucket and then up at me. While Willy can't speak, he successfully mentally transmits the words.
"There's no way in hell I'm getting in that bucket and letting you haul my ass 20 feet up."
So I pull the empty bucket back up and put some food in a bowl in the bucket. Thinking this might entice him.
I also realize, at this point, maybe I should take some pictures of this. Not really in case he croaks but If I die falling out the window trying to save him, I can at least maybe be a Darwin Award runner up or something.
I lower the bucket with some food in it back down. He sniffs it as I plead with him for about 15 minutes.
Finally he takes the bait and he sits down in the bucket and starts eating.
But within 2 seconds of me pulling on the rope he has lept out.
I think to myself well, at least he won't go hungry while he and I are both panicking about this.
So I plead and plead and plead and pause to curse some and plead some more but nothing doing.
So at this point I break down and call 911. I try to be as reserved as possible becuase I'm sure the people who normally call 911 at 4 in the morning are definitely NOT reserved. I say.
"Hi, ummm. Hi... Ummm. This isn't an emergency really, I'm just not sure what to do."
My cell phone is of course cutting in and out. and I think to myself
"911 operators must HATE cell phones more than anybody else."
"Hi.. Uhmmm.. My cat has jumped out of my window and fallen about 25 feet down and it's a sealed alley so there's no way to get him out. Can the fire department or somebody help me?"
The lady literally starts busting out laughing at me. Like... cackling...
She says the fire department won't help me but she can put me through to non-emergency. Sounds good to me but as I'm on hold to non-emergency I realize this is pointless.
So I haul ass to home depot - and realize that the 24 hour home depot is no longer 24 hours.
So i pull over and start dialing. One opens at 6AM. Another at 6AM, I hail mary and call another and they open at 5AM.
This is only 15 minutes away! Woo hoo!!! So I haul ass down there and they open as soon as I walk up.
I get to the ladders section and realize i have NO IDEA how far down it really is. Is it 20 feet 30 feet? Further? I have no idea.
So i start looking at price and realize that is simply absurd. I'm not painting a house, I'm rescuing a cat!
So I'm trying to do the math and also start considering what the hell do i do if I can't get up the stairs of my place with a 20 foot ladder? I decide that there is NO way I can get a 30 foot ladder (15 feet fully retracted) up and around the stairs and out the little window. So I go for the 24 footer.
I learn at this point there is all kind of shit I don't know about something as simple as a ladder. They have class ratings and duty weighting and stuff. I also think to myself that you probably never want to crawl all the way up to the top of the ladder as you will surely fall off.
So I say screw it and go for the nice fiberglass one. It's 300 bucks but hell, some people drop $3000 bucks on their cat at the vet.
So I go to pull it off the shelf and realize that a fiberglass ladder, while not only incredibly long, is also insanely heavy. About 50 pounds or so. So I get the $99 aluminum one, which is only 40lbs.
Luckily I don't drive a Boxster or something. I throw the ladder in my pickup truck and haul ass home.
For some stupid reason I go and look down the hole to make sure he's still there. Duh. Yeah... He's still there.
I realize at this moment perhaps I should video tape this. Becuase now I'm going to be teetering out the window with 40 pound ladder trying to save my cat. This has You Tube's "Fatal Accident" section written all over it. I might as well get my 15 minutes of fame out of the deal.
I move the 200 pound desk and my turntables and stuff out of the way and finally get the ladder wiggled down there. Trying to NOT hit a cat with a 40 ladder and not fall out the window is hard work.
So get the ladder down and get my big ass crawled out the window and the ladder starts doing that slapping thing against the wall telling me "Hey you idiot. This isn't a good idea." It also occurs to me. My brother-in-law had his ribs broken and his jaw wired shut TWICE when he feel of his ladder. I think to myself. Is this cat worth it? I swallow hard and start to go down the ladder when I realized Willy is actually crawling his way UP the ladder by himself and is about 1/2 way up. Now fully panicked I decide to let him keep going, becuase if I try to scoop him up, he and I both could fall. About the time I finish that thought is when he starts crawling up my leg, claws fully engaged and set to kill. Up the back of my leg and halfway up my back I decide to nab him. I grip him by the nape of his neck and lift him up over my head to the ledge, take a couple of steps, and he's made it!!!!!
I scamper up the ladder myself and then decide I should start breathing again now that I'm back on solid ground.
So anyway, that's the story.
It's 7:00A.M I'm sweaty, exhausted, and covered in pigeon shit.
I'm going to shower and crash for a little bit. I'll be in touch.
The new website should flip to our production server at 9:00. I'm feeling pretty good that it will.
If it doesn't, call me. 773 xxx xxxx
I think i'm going to make this a short film.
I think the name should be either.
"Free Willy"
"Operation Dumbo Drop"
or
"Curiousity: Scary and Painful, but it Probably Won't Kill You."
